Getting Back On Track

I went away for a day or so to kinda clear my head and focus on God. Shortly into my trip, I found myself abandoning that mission and just letting loose. Now, there is nothing wrong with letting loose, as long as you don't forget who you truly are. If you forget that, then you're just not being true to yourself. The morning after I left (this morning), I woke up tired and tried to shake off the night before; mornings like today are a chore in themselves because you wake up and immediately hate the fact that you still have the rest of the day to get through. But, I powered through it, got back in my car and continued on to my original destination... the coast. Now, for those of you that know me well, I'm more of a mountain person than a beach person, but I figured with how hot and dry it is up in the mountains right now, the beach would be perfect. I arrived here a little later than I had hoped, but as soon as I decided to leave my morning behind me, God started showing me why I needed to this trip. It was to get my focus completely back on Him. There are some of you reading this that know that my life got flipped around about two months ago (that's as far as I'll explain the situation). For a great deal of these last two months, I have been earnestly seeking God's purpose for my life and trying to be completely devoted to His will for my life. And, about two weeks ago, I had a breakthrough. Things were getting clearer, getting easier, and not as hard of a struggle to deal with. But this is where I tripped myself up. It was at this time that I kind of told God, "Thank you, God! You've gotten me to a better place than the one I was in a month ago, but I got it from here." Because of this attitude, I stopped reading the Bible on a daily basis, I prayed less, and I started to fall back into a way of life that is not making me happy or what I want. I just went with it because it had taken my mind off of the other things that I had needed God's help with. But, that didn't last. Quickly I started feeling empty and searching for answers again. Though I could be alone with God anywhere, I felt that it was important for me to get away from all of the distractions for my everyday life. Work, friends, family, familiar places... I needed to get away from them all. And you know what? It worked! Even though I haven't tried to spend as much time with God as I had originally planned on doesn't mean that I won't get God's full message for me. I've already learned so much and have come to many realizations in just a few short hours. First, I need to put down my phone from time to time and just enjoy the world around me. We all have these electronic leashes that we are all addicted to, myself included, and even though we take more pictures now than ever before, we are always looking at the beauty of people and the world through a lens. All of my favorite pictures that I've taken are actually the ones in my mind and the memories they are associated with. So, I am vowing to take a little more time to enjoy the beauty of the people and world around me. I know that I would rather enjoy the gifts that God has given me than to have a phone full of pictures. Second, I learned that it's okay to have emotions. It's okay to be angry. It's okay to laugh and be happy. It's okay to be sad and cry. Most importantly, it's okay to love even though you're confused. I think I've felt every single emotion known to man in these last two months, but in these last two weeks, I've spent too much time and energy trying to suppress every natural emotion that I've been feeling. And, it hasn't been healthy for me. Experiencing our emotions is how we get to know ourselves and how we mature. If you suppress them, you'll never truly know yourself. So, I for one am going to try my best to let myself experience my emotions as they happen. And third, it's okay not to have all of the answers. If we always had the answers to things, we would never learn anything. I have never been so confused in life as I am right now and have been as I went through these past two months. Feels like nothing adds up anymore. But, to tell you the truth. I'm actually okay with that. The reason being is that I've always believed that God is in control, but I've never had a faith strong enough to hand the control over to Him. As soon as I did that, the burden of "getting it all right" was lifted from me, and through that I've learned more about myself recently than I ever have throughout my almost 33 years of life. Now, I'm not saying that as soon as gave my problems to God that everything became sunshine and daisies; there were, and I'm certain that there will be many more dark days ahead for me, but when I let go of trying to find all of the answers, or get everything right, I was able to feel a deep rooted sense of peace knowing that even though I don't know what is going on, I will be just fine. I don't need to be in control. I'm glad that I made myself take this trip. Lessons like these three I shared wouldn't have been realized if I would have stayed in town. It is amazing to me how things work out the way they are supposed to even when there seems to be chaos. My journey in life is far from over, and I know that I don't have it all together. There will be many more trials and lessons. I can only move on with the things I've learned on this trip. So, it's my goal to keep my head up, my eyes off of a screen for as long as I can, and to enjoy the things around me. I'm going to enjoy the company of others and make lots of memories with them. I'm going to allow myself to feel my emotions and to experience them. Now, I know that there is a time and place for every emotion. Some are private, and some are public. I am just saying that I will not suppress them and sweep them under the rug. I will experience them when the time is right. I am going to live life and not worry about having all of the answers. When God wants me to have the answer, He will reveal it to me. Lastly, and most importantly to me, I am going to love. Love my family, love my friends, Love God, love those I may not know, and even love those who may not love me back anymore. God has blessed me with a big heart and I intend to use it! I have never been closer to God than when I show love to others. Jesus commanded us to love God and to love others, and that's what I am going to do. I am going to leave you with a little bit of scripture that always reminds me of what true love really is when I really don't feel like loving someone. "Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 God bless you all. Thanks for reading. Until next time... Trevor